I keep reminding myself to write down something everyday, and I keep ignoring myself.
Until today’s deep humiliation.
I told myself that I would write something out of it. Not a diary, but something real.
But even then I knew it would not come true. Because what I always do is to keep ignoring myself.
So I have to write it down here now. Not so much that it becomes a diary entry, but a reminder that some feelings and thoughts, however fleetingly, passed through me today.
I told myself I wanted to write a short story about Humiliation.
A young person relating his/her own moral downfall and ultimate humiliation.
I have no idea if I will ever get to write it. And even if one day I reread this and try to recall what it is I want to write, I shall not remember a thing because I did not put down any detail of the event. Because the humiliation is complete and the immensity of it overwhelms all power to write, all possibility of being transformed into words.
But if there must be some hints, the keywords are: Kyoto, Bus.