My MMIX

by suu4leaf

Here in West Coast it is 16 hours behind Hong Kong, so this is still 31st December. And I almost forgot about the retrospective I do by end of each year. But now since I am in my uncle’s home using a really old computer which sqeaks at every command and basically with no Chinese wordprocessing programme, I think I will just write a very short note as opposed to the very long chronicles of the previous years.

It is easy to evaluate and divide 2009. Basically the first 8 months was hell and the last 4 months was heaven. I thought I went through a lot in the previous years but that was not true. Which has been a very good lesson for me: it made one think a lot about what one wants for a career and how much one is prepared to sacrifice for it. About the real worth of things. About your own worth. And then, whether that is a fair deal. After all a job is a job, a transaction. You are obliged to deliver to your best capacity, on the basis that the employer fulfill the terms in the contract. When you are a freshman, you consider yourself an apprentice, and you are willing to tolerate every harsh circumstance to have that career, since you think no pain no gain, and that career is more than a paid job. And soon you find that what has been coined training or correct working attitude or the no pain no gain thing is nothing but an excuse for exploitation on the employer’s part. Slavery did not die with Feudalism, it only took on another form in Capitalist society. Now I look back on those 8 months, I do think ‘slave’ is the best word to describe my job. The major thing about slavery is not the harsh terms, but the absence of respect.

Now everything is just the opposite in my new job. I have a great boss who is young and intelligent, great colleagues for friends and mentors, this is a place with great visions and prospects. It almost feels like God is rewarding me for the misery I endured. And I can feel the real me is coming back, who had all the time been suppressed in that hellish place. I am thinking of my future developments in this organization, I have several writing projects in mind, I am going back to films and performances and seeing friends again. 2010 will surely be the continuation of this great moment, when I will be ever more wiser, prettier and happier. And I know it is only when I am my best self, that I am going to be truly loved and admired.

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