Idleness. I remember a high school teacher once said to us, “Idleness is not a sin.” A day later, when we met her again in class, she begged our pardon, saying, “Please forgive me. Idleness is indeed a sin. Laziness is not.” She seemed frightened at the idea that she might have led us astray to the deadly sin and if we ended up in Hell she would be solely responsible. What a lovely teacher. We were already in F.7 after all.
Despite the fact that I am easily irritated (obviously inherited from my mother), I find myself rather inclined towards a quiet and tranquil disposition (my father’s counter-influence). I am much more easily seized by Melancholy than Choler. Given this disposition that dislikes action, I always wonder if I am indeed more prone to Idleness than the others. But though I prefer activities of a quieter nature, I seldom find myself unoccupied. Indeed, I have never been really unoccupied at all. Being unoccupied is not equal to being out of school or unemployed; it means having virtually nothing to do. I think that is why I am so annoyed when people think I am idle simply because I am neither a student nor one of the employed population. I never let myself idle, not only because it is a sin, but also because it is killing. Being idle is a denial of time, a denial of the talents and energies inside one, and a denial of one’s own existence. Taking a rest after labourious work is another thing, it is part of the whole thing.
I just realized, these five months since I have been back from London, I have never truly had a single day off. Every day I had been working on my book. My mind never left it. Indeed, I worked more than full time on it, because even full time workers have holidays, and I had none. How dare those people think I had been idle simply because I was working at home? And what is the result? Something no one can match unless they give as much as I did. That needs courage, perseverence, and faith.
And now that nothing remains for me to do except waiting, I find myself in the danger of falling into Idleness. This is time I seek out new things to do. Wish me luck.